My Relationship With Make Up

I remember when I when I was around 10 years old. I had a friend who absolutely loved wearing make up. She would practise by putting it all over me and practising different styles.

I admired her a lot. She was majorly skilled and as we grew older, she just became more and more talented. She kept using me as her guinea pig and I enjoyed every minute of it.

I came to a realisation that I was much more beautiful with make up on my face. I felt more me and more confident. I felt like it was a way for me to express myself.

Slowly but surely, I started buying my own make up and testing it out on myself. I would beg my mum for money for make up and head to Body Care with my friend to buy as much eyeshadow and lipgloss as possible. Turns out though, I was completely rubbish at applying it on myself.

I kept asking my friend to help me and she tried but I still couldn’t do it. She taught me all about foundations, different shades, what order to apply everything and different brush styles. To be honest, I was still all confused!

I wasn’t going to give up there though. At the age of around 13, I started watching YouTube videos and tutorials all about make up. I learnt and studied every single day. When I turned 14, I got my first boyfriend who I wanted to look good for. I used that as motivation to keep on learning. I figured, he would only like me if I was pretty and to be pretty, I needed to wear make up.

So, I finally learnt how to apply it. Not well but good enough!

When I turned 16, I got a new boyfriend. He would tell me that he liked my face much more natural. I couldn’t believe it, I had finally learnt how to apply make up and now he wasn’t interested at all.

So, I gave up!

I stopped wearing make up. I have hardly worn it from then up to the age of 22 which I am now. I wear it for special occasions and to take selfies but apart from that, I hardly wear it.

But, if you read one of my latest posts, you’ll know that I’m trying to get my life back together. That includes wearing make up. Yes, I feel better with it on. No, it’s not because I’m ugly. It’s because it’s a way for me to express myself and show who I want to be.

So this is me, saying to you, that I’m going to wear make up again. I’m going to regain my love for it and I’m going to start practising all over again.

Getting Back To My Old Self

I know that growing up is inevitable. I know that we are bound to change over time. I know that our apperances will change as we age. I know all that!

Do you think it’s possible to age gracefully? I see all these celebrities growing older but hardly changing. Maybe it’s some kind of witchcraft or something, I simply just don’t know. However, when it comes to me, I’m ageing disgracefully.

I look at these photos and feel incredibly sad. I feel like I let myself go and I feel like I didn’t look after myself the way that I wish I did.

I put on weight, cut my hair too short, stopped wearing makeup, stopped dressing in clothing that made me happy and I even became more depressed.

I was sharing these photos on Twitter and people kept responding with lovely things like ‘beautiful in all’ and all that kind of stuff. Don’t get my wrong, I’m super grateful for all the nice comments and they do make me feel a little better but at the end of the day, if I’m not happy with myself then I need to do something about it.

That is why, things are going to be changing around here and my life.

I’m going to get back on the weight loss game so you can actually see my jaw line again. I’m going to get back into fashion and wear clothing that makes me feel great. I’m going to start wearing make up again and practiasing different styles until I find one that I’m happy with. I’m going to grow my hair to a longer length so I can style it different ways. And most importantly, I am going to work on getting better mentally.

I’m going to start documenting my lifestyle changes on my blog, YouTube channel, Fitness Insta and Twitter. If you want to keep up to date with my life changes then I definitely recommending checking out my other socials.