Things On My July To Do List

Starting a new month has always been a pretty exciting time for me. I love the idea that a new start is here and I get to reevaluate my life and my goals. Am I making progress on my goals? Are the goals I’ve set still relevant? If the answer is no, then I get to rethink the goals and see how I can keep improving myself and my life.

For those of you who read my last blog post, you’ll know that my life has been changing a lot. Since those changes, I’ve been thinking about my goals even more. So I figured that this would be a perfect time to write a post here all about my July goals.

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Things On My May To Do List

In my endeavour to be organised each day, week, month and year, I have been writing up plans for each month.

I had drafted Aprils’s plans and goals but I didn’t share them because I was apprehensive of whether or not I would actually complete them. I am the queen of making plans and giving up on them only a few hours later.

Even though I didn’t share my April plans with you all, I did decide to keep them all on a little note on my laptop, just to test myself.

In the end, I had managed to complete a couple of them including Instagram growth and drinking water.

This month, I am throwing caution to the wind and I am sharing my plans with you all. I don’t want to be held back by the fear of not being good enough anymore.

So, here’s my plans for March…

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The Ultimate List Of Bullet Journal Collection Ideas

I consider myself to be a part-time bullet journal user. Back in 2016, I was a hardcore bullet journal enthusiast. Now that it’s 2020, my life is getting busier and I don’t have time to make every page look beautiful and Instagram-worthy. The main thing that stopped me from using my bullet journal was that I’m not super artistic. My drawings and doodles tend to be a little bit all over the place which made me worried that I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to be part of the BuJo Community.

Anyway, now I have started to realise that each journal owner is unique. We don’t have to do things that way that all these professional planners do it. So, my mission from now on is to start using my bullet journal the way that I want to.

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How To Prepare Your Phone For A Disney Trip

Visiting a Disney park is a dream come true. Not every Disney fan is lucky enough to be able to visit a park in their life. If you are lucky enough, you’ll want to make sure that you’re all ready to make your time as magical as possible.

It’s not only important to get yourself ready but you need to prep your phone too.

I don’t think that people realise how important their phone is for the perfect Disney trip. Everything used to come on paper several years ago. You had your fastpasses on paper, your maps on paper and you had your meal reservations on paper. But, those days are gone. Everything is digital which makes your phone so much more important than you would think.

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Not Feeling Good Enough

I woke up this morning and instantly wish I hadn’t. It wasn’t because I wished I had died or something, it was simply just because I couldn’t be bothered existing. I didn’t feel like putting on a front to talk to people and I couldn’t be bothered to pretend to feel good about myself.

Recently, I watched a film called I Am Pretty on Netflix. It wasn’t the best film in the world but it sort of had me thinking a bit. The main character never felt good enough and then suddenly, her mindset changed and she felt like she was super amazing. It completely changed her way of life just because her mindset had changed. In the end, she discovers that she is perfect the way she was, blah blah blah.

I really do wish that it was just as easy as a mindset change to make yourself feel good enough but I don’t think that it is. It takes a lot more to realise your own self worth.

I’m not the type of girl who has a toned body, glossy hair or perfect skin. In fact, I’m actually the opposite. I’m overweight, my hair is definitely in need of some work and my skin in covered in scars and acne. Even though I’m not classed as perfect, I never used to let that impact my confidence.

As a child, we are willing to chat to people without them worrying that they are judging us. However, over the years, our confidence sort of dies and we end up feeling like we just aren’t good enough. What made us change though? Maybe it was all in our heads or maybe it’s to do with factors that we just can’t control. I don’t even know.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll push people away when you don’t good good enough. You think you’re doing what’s best for them but are we really? I used to think that people were my friend out of pity. I figured that they didn’t actually like me, they just felt sorry for me and wanted to seem kind.

It’s kind of weird to look back on that now. I’m now in a situation where I don’t have any real life friends because I’m getting too good at pushing people away. The only person who I do have is my partner and half the time, I think he is with me for pity too. It’s an awful feeling!

When I woke up this morning, I pretended to still be asleep until my partner left so that I didn’t have to talk to him. He didn’t do anything wrong at all, I just didn’t feel good enough to be with him. I felt like he deserved better. I’ve pushed him away so many times in the past and I’ve made his life incredibly hard. But, he is still with me.

That is what I need to keep in my mind. I need to remember that the people who care, are still here. We have been together for over four years and he hasn’t gone anywhere. Sometimes my mind tricks me into thinking that is is pity or maybe that he has some other hidden reason to be with me. However, I need to remember one thing. No one sticks around for four years just from pity.

It’s so hard to get that into my mind but I’m going to keep trying. Maybe I am good enough for my partner. Maybe I am good enough for other people too. I think I just need to start giving people a chance.

What is ‘enough’ anyway? Maybe everyone feels like this and we are all just faking confidence to try to get by? I don’t know what happens in other’s people’s minds and I hardly even know what’s happening in mine.

My Relationship With Make Up

I remember when I when I was around 10 years old. I had a friend who absolutely loved wearing make up. She would practise by putting it all over me and practising different styles.

I admired her a lot. She was majorly skilled and as we grew older, she just became more and more talented. She kept using me as her guinea pig and I enjoyed every minute of it.

I came to a realisation that I was much more beautiful with make up on my face. I felt more me and more confident. I felt like it was a way for me to express myself.

Slowly but surely, I started buying my own make up and testing it out on myself. I would beg my mum for money for make up and head to Body Care with my friend to buy as much eyeshadow and lipgloss as possible. Turns out though, I was completely rubbish at applying it on myself.

I kept asking my friend to help me and she tried but I still couldn’t do it. She taught me all about foundations, different shades, what order to apply everything and different brush styles. To be honest, I was still all confused!

I wasn’t going to give up there though. At the age of around 13, I started watching YouTube videos and tutorials all about make up. I learnt and studied every single day. When I turned 14, I got my first boyfriend who I wanted to look good for. I used that as motivation to keep on learning. I figured, he would only like me if I was pretty and to be pretty, I needed to wear make up.

So, I finally learnt how to apply it. Not well but good enough!

When I turned 16, I got a new boyfriend. He would tell me that he liked my face much more natural. I couldn’t believe it, I had finally learnt how to apply make up and now he wasn’t interested at all.

So, I gave up!

I stopped wearing make up. I have hardly worn it from then up to the age of 22 which I am now. I wear it for special occasions and to take selfies but apart from that, I hardly wear it.

But, if you read one of my latest posts, you’ll know that I’m trying to get my life back together. That includes wearing make up. Yes, I feel better with it on. No, it’s not because I’m ugly. It’s because it’s a way for me to express myself and show who I want to be.

So this is me, saying to you, that I’m going to wear make up again. I’m going to regain my love for it and I’m going to start practising all over again.

Miscarriage

This is a post that I didn’t ever expect to end up writing but here we are. Today I found out that I’ve had a miscarriage and I’m heartbroken.

Let’s go back to the very beginning for a bit though.

Since I was very young, I’ve had super weird periods. My cycle was never regular and I could go a whole year without a period. You probably think that’s amazing because yay, no period but it’s not so great when you’ve always known that you wanted to be a mother.

At around age 14, I spoke to someone with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) And they told me that I had a lot of symptoms of that too. Symptoms included irregular periods, thinning hair but hair growth in other places and weight gain.

I headed to the doctors about getting a diagnoses and eventually, three years later, I was diagnosed with PCOS. The doctors were very difficult about diagnosing me. They didn’t run tests and to be honest, they hardly knew anything about the illness.

Once I had my diagnoses, the only treatment that they could offer me for it was the pill. I took that treatment option and went on about my life.

It helped regulate my periods but then came another problem; I became pregnant. The person who I was with at the time, didn’t want me to become pregnant. He accused me of not taking the pill properly and got rather angry.

He decided that the best thing for me to do was get an abortion. A few days later, I woke up in extreme pain and ended up in an ambulance heading to the hospital. It was an ectopic pregnancy. That sort of terminated itself much to the relief of my boyfriend of the time. I on the other hand, wasn’t so happy.

Fast forward about one or two years, I met Simon (my current partner). This is probably not something that you’d expect me to talk about but we started having unprotected sex very early on in the relationship. I was no longer on the pill but I guessed that I wouldn’t get pregnant again due to not treating my PCOS. I was naive.

After around five years of unprotected sexual intercourse, I seemed to be getting regular periods again. At this point I knew that I was ready for a baby. Simon wasn’t 100% sure as he was waiting for the perfect time. I think he knew though that there would never be a perfect time.

Around six weeks ago, I became pregnant.

We only decided to do a test as I was spotting and getting weird cramps but we didn’t do the test until I was 5 weeks pregnant.

Simon rushed me to the hospital as soon as we found out due to the pain I was getting. They confirmed how many weeks pregnant I was and they booked me in for an ultrasound the next day.

The ultrasound confirmed that there was a pregnancy sack and that I was five weeks pregnant. They decided to book me in for a follow up ultrasound for the following week so we could see the baby’s heartbeat.

I left on a high. I couldn’t have been more excited if I tried. Simon was nervous as heck but I was too busy being hyped to be nervous at all.

After the week had been and gone, we headed back to hospital. Over the week, I had had a lot of heavy bleeding and pain so I wasn’t expecting good news.

We headed to the early pregnancy ward who sent us down for an ultrasound. That confirmed the worst. I had miscarried.

They went over my miscarriage plan with me and sent me home. I didn’t need any treatment which is a positive but I was no happy at all.

I am meant to do a pregnancy test in two weeks to confirm that the pregnancy has cleared from my body. Once it has and I’ve had a period, I am able to try again.

I am hoping that the doctors will put me on metformin which is a medication which can help people with PCOS get pregnant.

I am hopeful for the future but heartbroken at the same time.

Fashion ‘Rules’ That Plus Size Women Need To Break

When I used to look in the mirror, I would hate what I saw. I saw a blob, a very fat blob. I hated myself.

If you’re a person, you can probably relate to this in some kind of way.

I’ve always been taught that fat is bad and I need to hide as much of my fat as possible.

That is why I’m writing this post. It’s time for things to change!

Rule #1: Don’t wear tight fitted clothing.

This rule is a load of bogus. I am definitely a plus size lady but I live in skinny jeans and tight fitted tops. They make me happier and I feel that I can show off my curves more. If anything, baggy clothes make me look all frumpy and gross so I’m definitely going to keep wearing my tight fitted clothing.

Rule #2: Lose the stripes.

I remember back when I was younger, I had a pink and white striped t-shirt. I absolutely adored it and wore it all the time. That was until I looked in the mirror once and noticed that it doesn’t make me look very slim. But the thing is, I shouldn’t have cared. No one else cared so why should I?!

Rule #3: Crop tops are not for fat people.

This should silly when you think about it. Fat people have stomachs and so do thinner people. Surely if we want to wear a crop top then we can no matter what size we are. Just because your tummy isn’t flat, doesn’t mean it can’t be flaunted.

Rule #4: Hide your bingo wings.

The phrase bingo wings always makes me laugh. It’s just so silly! Those saggy bits on your arms really don’t need to be hidden. Ignore people who say that they do. When it’s warm, you should wear that sleeveless outfit instead of hiding everything.

What plus size fashion rules are you going to break? Let’s all work together to break the rules of how fatter people can dress..

Top 5 Animation Shows

I love animations. I don’t watch much tv but when I do it’s probably an animation show.

I wanted to talk a little bit about my top cartoons/animations. I thought it would be fun for you to find some to watch too through my recommendations.

Gravity Falls

This is definitely my absolutely favourite animation show. It follows the story of Mable and Dipper who go to stay with their Uncle Stan for the summer. They get up to all kinds of crazy things and they discover that Gravity Falls is not normal at all.

Mable is the cutest character ever and I would love to cosplay her one day. She has an adorable fashion sense and is super kind and funny. Uncle Stan is grumpy which brings a lot of humour to the show. Dipper is funny too but in a completely different way to Uncle Stan.

Hilda

I only started this show a few months ago but I’ve already watched it all… twice. Hilda, a fearless blue-haired girl, travels from a wilderness full of elves and giants to a bustling city packed with new friends and mysterious creatures. We follow her adventures and it’s just so fun.

Steven Universe

‘Weeeeee… are the crystal gems….’ But anyway, I adore this show. The animations are adorable and everyone can relate to a different character in some kind of way. I’m definitely a combo of Steven and Amethyst but maybe with a bit more Amethyst.

The Crystal Gems are a group of magical bearings who’s job is to save the universe. They have a half magical being called Steven who is like the little brother of the group.

Aggretsuko

I finished season one of this show just the other day and I loved it. With each episode only being 15 minutes long, it made the show easier to digest which was good for my short attention span.

Aggretsuko follows Retsuko ass she deals with her accounting day job and her horrible boss by singing heavy metal karaoke.

She-Ra

Now, I wasn’t sure if I should include this show in my list as I only just started it but it was so much fun during the first few episodes so I wanted to include it.

She-Ra, Princess of Power, leads a rebellion to free her land of Etheria from the monstorus invaders the Horde. My favourite character is Glimmer and she is fun and adorable.

What’s your favourite animation show?