All I can think about is food. I will go to the local corner shop and buy as much ‘bad’ foods as I can, then I’ll go home and eat until I physically can’t swallow anymore. I’m spending so much money on food yet I never feel fully satisfied.
My relationship with food is confusing. I have all the knowledge I need to know what foods to be eating more or less of, I know all about portion sizes and I even know about macros. However, when I see food, my mind pretends to know nothing and just grabs whatever it can.
As you can probably imagine, this kind of eating pattern has meant that I have gained quite a lot of weight. But I’ll explain more on that soon. Let me just take you back to the beginning quickly.
At the start of 2018, I started my weight loss journey and did pretty well losing a total of 3 stone in a year. I didn’t want to join a fad diet so I decided not to rush my weight loss journey. I didn’t want to do a milkshake diet or some of these cults such as Weight Watchers or Slimming World.
I wanted to do it alone so I did. I joined a gym, started making healthier life choices and the weight started to come off.
It was all going well until 2019 started. That was when I started maintaining some months and gaining in others. The weight just wasn’t coming off anymore. To be honest, I gave up on my journey and stopped trying to lose weight.
I wasn’t going to the gym as often and slowly but surely, unhealthy snacks and meals started slipping back into my diet.
That is all about to change though.
Starting Monday, I will be heading back to the gym. There’s a reason that I won’t be going until Monday but those are pretty personal so I won’t go into it. Starting today, I’ll be eating healthier again. I’ll go back to making healthy decisions with my food. I’ll also be walking more often instead of sitting around doing nothing.
I think that a problem of mine is that I don’t notice any weight loss on myself. I see the numbers on the scales going down but I don’t actually notice any difference in the mirror or photographs. Maybe it’s a self confidence thing or maybe I’m just losing weight weirdly. All that I can do is keep on trying to lose weight though.
As well as the photos and measurements, this time i’m going to be sharing my journey, the losses, gains, struggles and triumphs here. I am hoping it will keep me more on track even if in the ups and downs of life. I’ll also be tracking everything on my Fitness Instagram so be sure to follow me over there.
If you’re subscribed to my YouTube channel, you will have seen that I recently posted a body update video. I was super nervous to post it but I want to be real with my viewers and readers so you guys know what a struggle my weight loss journey has been so far.
So, if you didn’t know, during 2018, I managed to lose a total of three stone. That’s 42 pounds for anyone who wanted to know. I was so disheartened with that result as I watched people in the gym lose so much more than I did. People like Simon for example. He lost seven stone so he did amazing!
I was there to watch his weight loss journey so I witnessed all the hard work he put in. I feel like I put in a lot of hard work too but I didn’t manage to lose as much. It was frustrating but there’s reasons.
You see, I’m on medication for my mental health and a side effect of said medication is weight gain. On top of that, I have polycystic ovary syndrome. Both of these things make it harder to lose weight.
But moving on from 2018, this is 2019 where we have new goals to smash!
So far this year, all I have managed to do is maintain. That is annoying but I have been on holidays and I haven’t been eating good quality foods.
This is something that will be changing from now on though. I will be eating more fruit, veg and protein. I will be heading to the gym at least three times a week. I want to start reaching my goals.
If you didn’t already know, this year, I am heading to Walt Disney World and I am so excited but also so nervous as I am still overweight. I don’t have too long now before we go so I need to start working harder.
I’m more focused on who I want to be now instead of who I am now. I don’t like who I am now so I’m going to change it.